Fear of marriage ? yes, with conviction. Thinking about it gives me the tummy turn around. I used to think of it as a cliche as though it is something that i don’t see myself doing in the future .. I fear it, marriage is such a big word for me, it upholds such great responsibility and commitment.
Not long ago one of my dearest, and when I say dearest its deeper than just friendship..she is my sister by heart, finally tied a knot with her long term partner.I recall during high school days we use to dream about us getting married at the same time with the right person,but as time passed by I saw the ugly side of it.I changed my outlook towards the meaning of commitment, I saw ruined relationships,broken families,arguments and unpredictable ups and downs ,twists and turns. It is one scary thing for me to get into so i thought and made my decision to not get married. I attended my best friend’s wedding, I never believed in ever after. My point of view was one sided, probably because I was afraid to get hurt the way I see others suffer through agony, I didn’t want that, so there I was watching them, I was even her maid of honor.
The funny part of that evening was that I had no choice but to join the catching of bouquet , as per my state of mind I had no intentions at all to catch that bouquet. Why ? because of the belief that if you catch the bride’s bouquet, you then are next in line to walk the aisle. So it is a big NO NO for me, for that matter. Then there it was the bouquet was released and was aimed at me ..initial reaction ? I caught it out of sudden reflexes. So as I was holding it,to my surprise I tossed it at the back. Silly right ? but I find it funny because after that, while everyone was giving away their last say and speeches to the newly wed couple, me observing them, made me realize there is always an exemption to the rule. I realized that there can be no perfect marriage because it is a process that requires both you and your partner to work it out. It is a forever get to know process because discovering him/her everyday goes on forever. To fuss and fight is inevitable, it’s always there it is just a matter of how you both are to handle the situation.
I gave her my speech,which indicated me eating up of words over the topic, sharing that because of her and her husband, it made me believe in ever after again, I’ve seen them grow in love together, and it was never easy for them but they proved everyone wrong, they ended up together after five long years of wait, finally they walked towards the altar, gave their vows of everlasting love till death do them part. With that I know happiness was there.
Lesson learned ? you can never dictate what is to happen in the future, you may suffer from a lot of heartaches for now but that should not stop you from believing that somewhere out there someone is ideally or should we say specifically meant for you
it may not be right now but patience is a virtue so just sit tight and wait , grow up and learn so when the right time comes by then you ‘ll know he/she is the one …
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”
-William W. Purkey