04292013

How odd can things be when you try to feel nostalgic about what the changes in your life has caused you. Your character,point of view,attitude towards others,way of thinking,decision making, almost everything is a total makeover. Sometimes it makes me wish I was back to those old days when you have nothing to worry about, no responsibilities, no one to please, all you get to do all day is play. I miss those days. I am saddened by the fact that they see me change in a bad way. Fine I can be bossy, sometimes a fault finder but they don’t know why. I’m not a perfect person, there are things I wish I didn’t do, things that I regret from happening, but we all know we can’t cry over spilled milk now can we? Up until today I did realized how lonely I am because the people I expect to cry a shoulder on are those I really can’t.

Almost four years ago, I had undergone therapy caused by trauma. What kind of trauma? Let’s just put it this way, something important was taken away from me. It all started when I was 21, I got hired for my first job, met new people and was having fun, until it all happened. I don’t or rather won’t go into details anymore but all the mishaps the twists and turns the ups and downs, it all happened, not to mention this incident was not the only reason for my therapy, my whole childhood was different not the average childhood life you would imagine. So enough with the side track, going back to the story, I was harassed t was continuous because after three months that was only when i had the courage to speak up with the help of my friends, I was too trusting and it freaked me out knowing that i could not fight back because i was too scared. My managers found out about what happened, conclusion was the culprit lost his job and was banned from the company, they wanted to put him to jail but i said no, because his wife is giving birth anytime soon and i didn’t want the child to grow up without a father. I was stupid right ? submissive as to what my boss used to say, yes it was all the outcome that my childhood has caused plus the experience I had with my boss. It didn’t just end there, i suffered through painful criticisms and misjudgment but i went on with the therapy and remained working for the company. The therapy took place for three months, it was psychological they examined everything and dug down to my past.

It was crazy and tough,I had to struggle form all those things. It was the advises from two of my managers that helped me get through and with the help of those friends who believed me , they kept me strong and thought me to fight back, to be fearless. I never got to tell my parents what happened.  that day i got sick they weren’t there i was alone. So i had to be strong for myself. after a year here i was the new me. No longer scared, I was stronger, however, with that change came along misunderstandings. I can’t blame them they didn’t know a thing. Up to this point I don’t think i can ever tell. At least i know the change was beneficial and worth it, I learned how to protect myself, its just sad that I can never voice this out to those who should know first hand. Now I’m 24 and in a couple of months turning 25 I’m not getting any younger. I wake up every morning facing new challenges and those old ones sometimes it makes me feel like as though I’m dead deep inside.

I’ve moved on. The new me is totally different and as far as I know this new me is better I’m numb already but i still manage to live on with it. I think its OK so long as I’m free i’ll be just fine. This is what life has thought me. Moral lesson is no one will love you more than yourself value it and be thankful of the everyday chances you get to have to turn things around. Life can be tough most of the time, it may drag you down and kill your being, don’t give up because when one door closes there will always be one that opens. life is the best teacher, it just depends on how it is accepted and handled by the person at fault. Learn from it and live on. Just make sure t learn how to get your feet back up when life knocks you down, and as the old saying goes “no one should or can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Life goes on and you should too.

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One thought on “04292013

  1. 289970 141688Aw, this was a actually good post. In thought I would like to put in writing like this in addition – taking time and actual effort to make a really excellent article but what can I say I procrastinate alot and by no indicates appear to get something done. 795963

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