Today is August 29, 2016, it’s been more than 2 years from the time I cut ties from that one person. I can’t quite remember the last time I ever talked about him. I’ve been trying to asses myself about how things has been since then and so far I believe that I’ve been doing awfully great. My little Prim is growing fast that I sometimes forget she’s just 2 years old. She is a very smart little cutie knowing her age, who would’ve thought she’d be this way. I feel so blessed being her mother. I don’t miss him anymore. I don’t dream about him either. The pain remains there somewhere inside me. I guess I just finally managed to block it away. I forgive him, that’s a fact. I guess I forgive but I never forget. I don’t find it a bad thing probably because this way it helps me keep myself reminded of the things that hurts the most. Helps keep me keep track of what I should be doing from not.
Am I ready to face him? I believe so. I’ve already done that numerous times. However, this time, my daughter is not for his taking at all. I decided long time ago that I don’t need anything from him. Not because of pride but because she doesn’t deserve the heartache I had to deal with all through out. Time heals all wounds and two years of it is a bit too short for the healing. Perhaps when Prim gets older, we could sit down and talk about it. I’m not a bad Mother to take her right of seeing her Father away from her, but – this should be something discussed under my terms. Either way, this will all be charged to experience.
So what are my plans? I couldn’t think of anything right now. All I know is I’m still taking things one day at a time, since breathing alone is something new to me after being suffocated for a very long time. Two years alone is not at all bad. I’ve been dating someone exclusively right now and the good thing about it is he is very supportive which means that we don’t need rushing. Love is there, it always will be but TRUST? this will take a while. I have to admit that I am in the process of learning how to give chances again- Trust issues can be a killer you know. I’ll get there in time -no doubt about it.
My priority right now is to make sure I provide everything that Prim needs. The love and care she needs, the attention and all that good and bad that may come and go for us both. I love her with all my heart up to my last breath it all belongs to my daughter. My life is hers and only hers. I can’t promise to be a perfect Mother, but I can be good enough for her. The journey is scary but I’ll be here for her no matter what. I just hope she doesn’t grow too fast.