People would normally ask “How are you?” out of courtesy. In reality, we can’t really tell its sincerity. I’ve learned a lot in life to believe that happiness can’t be that simply explained with just by saying you “chose to be happy”. For someone who quietly suffers through depression, who can really decipher how one person can be found okay out from seeing them normally smile and laugh as though nothing is ever wrong. One’s brokenness can never be defined in words we choose to best describe them with. It is quite tricky to think that we can pacify their pain with calming words we call advice. It is not easy to smile and be okay outside while we try so hard to push that feeling of emptiness inside.
– I battle myself through this all the time. I am sad and at some point even far beyond sadness. I feel alone sometimes. No one understands. Why? what makes it so hard to see? I don’t know what I want anymore. I try to find myself every single waking day just so I could put myself back in place. I am lost. I think I lost myself for such a long time and whoever I am right now is simply a balled up self-created out of circumstances and false pretense. I am forced to fit myself in every situation to please whoever is appalled of my very existence. I feel suffocated. I feel tired. I feel empty. I am trying to be so strong just so I won’t be asked anything by anyone. I am trying to be strong enough to stay away from veering eyes that kill me every minute. I am tired that sometimes I want to just disappear. I can’t find myself.
People would always say find peace and content in everything you do. To find your own center of happiness. In reality, no one realizes how hard it is to recreate yourself every single moment you could just to find what’s left of whatever is inside you that might, just might turn things around. In the end, the sad part is that I see beauty in everything but me. So what’s left of it then?
People suffer from depression and there are all sorts of it out there. I for one is a victim of it. My outlet at the moment is to continuously write my thoughts to all possible places I could just to voice out things that cannot be told or described by words. Let us be gentle to people who goes through their pain by simply reminding them that they are not alone. Sometimes a simple non-talking companion, would always be best from one who blabbers a lot with no sensible content in the thoughts that they try to share. Keep in mind that everyone, indeed everyone has a story and we can never tell what they’ve gone through that changed them. So before we go about judging how they are and what they should or could have been, let us be sensitive and put ourselves in their shoes.
credits to the owner of the photo.